He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
