They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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