Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
