i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize