it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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