He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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