I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
