You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
