uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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