I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize