I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
