Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
