Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
