What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
