I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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