I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
