Someone shit on the floor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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