hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thus making me awesome and them whores
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
