my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
