Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
