dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
