He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
