Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
