I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are we still banned from the library?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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