I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
