I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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