No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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