Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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