We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
