You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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