Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
