I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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