Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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