it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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