Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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