btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
