Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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