he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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