When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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