If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this boner is exhausting
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
