wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
