did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
