why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
