I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
