oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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