90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
COCAINE IS GR8
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