you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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