But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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