the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
