Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
