My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I sprained my soul last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
