it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
