ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
