No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
