So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
