Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
