i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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