dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
