What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
