Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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