A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
