my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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