Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
