3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize