i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
