my vag is so smooth its legendary
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
