Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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