Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
