just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
