she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
