I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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