her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
