i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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