We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
