What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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