I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
