So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
