Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
